BILL MURRAY QUOTES

To people who want to be rich and famous, I'd say, "Get rich first and see if that doesn't cover it."

Come on, all the long distance lines are down? What about satellite? Is it snowing in space? Don't you keep open a line for emergencies or for celebrities? I'm both! I'm a celebrity in an emergency.

I was in the Virgin Islands once. Met a girl. We ate lobster and drank pina-coladas. At sunset we made love like Sea Otters. That was a pretty good day. Why couldn't I get that day over and over and over?

I think that the online world has actually brought books back. People are reading because they're reading the damn screen. That's more reading than people used to do.

I don't know how this guy knew how much money I was making. I didn't know how much money I was making.

In Japan, you have no idea what they are saying, and they can't help you either. Nothing makes any sense. They're very polite, but you feel like a joke is being played on you the entire time you're there.

We came, we saw, we kicked its ass!
    -- Ghostbusters

24 hours a day, seven days a week. No job is too big, no fee is too big.
    -- Ghostbusters

I don't have to take this abuse from you, I've got hundreds of people dying to abuse me.
    -- Ghostbusters

Back off man. I'm a scientist.
    -- Ghostbusters

Stantz: Everything was fine, until dickless here cut off the power grid!
Mayor: Is that true?
Venkman [Bill Murray]: Yes, Your Honor, it's true -- this man has no dick.

    -- Ghostbusters

Venkman [Bill Murray]: This city is about to face a disaster of biblical proportions.
Mayor: What do you mean, "biblical?"
...
Venkman: Riots in the streets, dogs and cats living together, mass hysteria!

    -- Ghostbusters

Pete Venkman [Bill Murray]: Go get 'er Ray!
[Ray (Dan Akroyd) hesitates.]
Ray: Gozer, the Gozerian, good evening. As a duly designated representative of the city, county and state of New York, I hereby order you to return forthwith to your place of origin or to the nearest parallel dimension.
Pete: That oughtta do it, thanks very much Ray!

    -- Ghostbusters

Let's show this prehistoric bitch how we do things downtown!
    -- Ghostbusters

Prosecutor: So what you're saying is that the world of the supernatural is your exclusive province?
Pete Venkman: Kitten, I think what I'm saying is that, sometimes, shit happens, someone has to deal with it, and who ya gonna call?

    -- Ghostbusters 2

Charlotte [Scarlett Johansson]: So, what are you doing here?
Bob [Bill Murray]: Uh, a couple of things. Taking a break from my wife, forgetting my son's birthday. And, uh, getting paid two million dollars to endorse a whiskey when I could be doing a play somewhere.
Charlotte: Oh.
Bob: But the good news is, the whiskey works.

    -- Lost in Translation

Charlotte: I just don't know what I'm supposed to be.
Bob: You'll figure that out. The more you know who you are, and what you want, the less you let things upset you.

    -- Lost in Translation

Charlotte: 25 years. That's uh, well it's impressive.
Bob: Well you figure, you sleep one-third of your life, that knocks out eight years of marriage right there. So you're, y'know, down to 16 in change. You know you're just a teenager, at marriage, you can drive it but there's still the occasional accident.

    -- Lost in Translation

Stills Photographer: Are you drinking, no?
Bob: Am I drinking? As soon as I'm done.

    -- Lost in Translation

[at a photo shoot]
Bob: You want more mysterious? I'll just try and think, "Where the hell's the whiskey?"

    -- Lost in Translation

[after a long speech in Japanese]
Ms. Kawasaki: He want you to turn and look in camera. Okay?
Bob: Is that all he said?

    -- Lost in Translation

Bob: I was feeling tight in the shoulders and neck, so I called down and had a Shiatsu massage in my room...
Charlotte: Mmh, that's nice!
Bob: And the tightness has completely disappeared and been replaced by unbelievable pain.
[Charlotte laughs]

    -- Lost in Translation

Bob: Enjoy your fright.
    -- Lost in Translation

Bob: Enjoy my jacket, which you stole from me.
    -- Lost in Translation

[over the phone]
Lydia Harris: The burgundy carpet is out of stock: it's going to take twelve weeks. Did you like any of the other colors?
Bob: Whatever you like - I'm just completely lost.
Lydia Harris: It's just carpet.
Bob: That's not what I'm talking about.
Lydia Harris: What are you talking about?
Bob: I don't know. I just want to... get healthy. I would like to start taking better care of myself. I'd like to start eating healthier - I don't want all that pasta. I would like to start eating like Japanese food.
Lydia Harris: Do I need to worry about you, Bob?
Bob: Only if you want to.

    -- Lost in Translation

Charlotte: Let's never come here again because it will never be as much fun.
    -- Lost in Translation

People only talk about what a joyous experience it is, but there is terror: Your life, as you know it, is over. It's over the day that child is born. It's over, and something completely new starts.

Walking around the course that day, I saw how starved galleries are to be set free. It's not just the quiet, but also the golfer's tensions are mimicked. By physicalizing or simply acknowledging those tensions, you could effect crowd relaxation, warmth and sometimes laughter.

Here's the thing, you just have to drive a lot faster, and if you don't get there, we're both fired.

All of us kids ended up 'doing Mom.' There are four of us who've tried show business. Five if you insist on counting my sister the nun, who does liturgical dance.

Roses are red, violets are blue, I'm a schizophrenic and so am I.

There are 2 types of people in this world: those who like Neil Diamond and those who don't.

I don't want to be that guy mumbling into his drink at a bar.

Yeah, I think that's sort of the American way. And it's also the Polish way, it turns out.

Bob [Bill Murray] : Ever hear of Tourette's syndrome? Involuntarily shouting out profanities?
Leo Marvin [Richard Dreyfuss]: It's exceptionally rare.
Bob: Shit-eating son-of-a-bitch. Bastard, douch-bag, twat, numb-nuts, dickhead!

    -- What About Bob

But then there was a very strange moment when Pricilla actually left. Because you could feel Elvis. You could absolutely feel his presence everywhere. And when she left, it was almost like you could feel his real love went with her, as she rode out of the cemetery.

Yeah, you get to treat 'em bad on the way back down too. It's great, you get two chances to rough 'em up!
    -- Scrooged

No, you're a hallucination, brought on by alcohol! Russian Vodka, poisoned by Chernobyl!
    -- Scrooged
        [Murray being confronted by the ghost of his old boss]

I never liked a girl well enough to give her 12 sharp knives.
    -- Scrooged

Alright, virgins to the left, non-virgins to the right
    -- MeatBalls
        [Bill Murray upon entering a party]

Kids are starving in China and you're walking around with a sombrero full of peanuts.
    -- MeatBalls

I think all phases of one's career are serious if you take it seriously no matter if you are doing high profile dramatic pieces or not.

Carl Spackler [Bill Murray]: So I jump ship in Hong Kong and make my way over to Tibet, and I get on as a looper at a course over in the Himalayas. A looper, you know, a caddy, a looper, a jock. So, I tell them I'm a pro jock, and who do you think they give me? The Dalai Lama, himself. Twelfth son of the Lama. The flowing robes, the grace, bald, striking. So, I'm on the first tee with him. I give him the driver. He hauls off and whacks one - big hitter, the Lama - long, into a ten-thousand foot crevice, right at the base of this glacier. And do you know what the Lama says? Gunga galunga gunga - gunga galunga. So we finish the eighteenth and he's gonna stiff me. And I say, "Hey, Lama, hey, how about a little something, you know, for the effort, you know." And he says, "Oh, uh, there won't be any money, but when you die, on your deathbed, you will receive total consiousness." So I got that goin' for me, which is nice.
    -- Caddyshack

Sandy MacReedy: I want you to kill every gopher on the course.
Carl Spackler [Bill Murray]: Correct me if I'm wrong, Sandy, but if I kill all the golfers they're gonna lock me up and throw away the key.
Sandy MacReedy: Gophers! You great git! Not golfers! The little brown furry rodents!
Carl Spackler: We can do that. We don't even have to have a reason.

    -- Caddyshack

This is pitiful. A thousand people freezing their butts off, waiting to worship a rat.
    -- Groundhog Day

Bill Murray: [Coughs] Doc, what could I do for this cough?
RZA: Shit, I was just thinking about that. Check this out: you get some hydrogen peroxide...
Bill Murray: We got that for cuts and stuff.
RZA: ...take fifty percent hydrogen peroxide, fifty percent water. You gargle with it. Do not swallow, you spit it out. Don't swallow, Bill Murray.
GZA: And if that doesn't work, try oven cleaner.
Bill Murray: We got that in the back, too.

The studios don't seem to foster good writing. They're not so interested in that, but they're more interested in what worked most recently. They're definitely very serious about making money, and that's not a wrong thing, but you don't have to make money the same way all the time.

I went to Second City, where you learned to make the other actor look good so you looked good and National Lampoon, where you had to create everything out of nothing, and SNL, where you couldn't make any mistakes, and you learned what collaboration was.

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Collated by Paul Quek

BILL MURRAY QUOTES